I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
