I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
