my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
