So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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