I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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