Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
