you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
