it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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