Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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