I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
