The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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