I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
