You're so nebulous sometimes
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
