ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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