I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She bit a glass in half.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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