he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
