I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
