I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
