we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
