so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
pray to the hookup gods
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
