Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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