is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
