you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
