Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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