my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
