How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I could fuck to npr.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
