it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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