ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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