I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
