Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
