When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
