Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
