it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
