she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
