She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
