yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
