I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
