Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
