Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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