I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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