I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
