Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
