he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
