It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
