Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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