p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
