Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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