Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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