Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
