I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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