I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
