you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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