The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize