We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
