Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize