READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
