i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
