She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
