Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
