Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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