think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
