it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
