sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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