you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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