we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
