So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
