I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
