i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
