I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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