wakey wakey hands off snakey
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
