I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
