Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
